September 22, 2025 by D. Paul Graham

Ever curious and always amused by the quirks of life, join D. Paul Graham each Monday for more M5T pondering.

**“Words” Photo by D. Paul Graham, National Art Library at the Victoria and Albert Museum, London, circa 2017**

Words carry weight. Often more than we realize or even care to admit. A sentence spoken in haste can land like a stone, pressing on someone’s spirit long after we’ve forgotten we’ve even said them. Offhand remarks or careless phrases don’t simply vanish when the air clears. Those words settle in, linger, and echo in the heart and mind of the one who received them.

I’ve said words to others that should never have been uttered. Words that wounded. Deeply. I still carry hidden scars from cruel words said to me over 55 years ago. I don’t dwell on them, nor do I accept them, but every so often, they show up, unexpected and unwelcome. Whether on the giving or receiving end, what strikes me most isn’t the volume or the sharpness of words, but their permanence. Once spoken, words can’t be recalled. They can be forgiven but are rarely erased.

What if we treated our words not as disposable, fleeting things, but with the gravitas and importance that have the power to build up rather than destroy? What if each syllable passed through an “Is It” filter before leaving our lips? Words that move from careless to careful, from heavy to healing, from reckless to redemptive, from shallow to sustaining, and from wounding to worthy. This morning’s M5T poses five questions to filter our words.

1. IS IT TRUE? Truth is foundation, the first principle, the measure against which everything else is tested. Without veracity, everything collapses. But truth isn’t always obvious. It demands discipline in our world today that is increasingly eager to trade accuracy for speed, headlines for nuance, and gossip, if not outright lies, for fact. And yet, undistorted truth has a quiet authority amongst the clatter. Truth does not need to shout. Truth stands alone. Truth confronts our own biases and prejudices. If our perspective is distorted, what we declare as truth may simply be projection of our emotions, confusing what we feel with what really is.

2. IS IT LOVING? Love isn’t weakness, it’s a strength guided by grace. To be loving doesn’t mean you have to sugarcoat difficult situations or avoid conflict with others. Loving ensures that what you say leaves dignity intact, for everyone involved. Being loving means that you understand the consequence and impact of your words, not just their accuracy. Tone is often remembered long after content is forgotten. People may not recall every sentence you spoke, but they will remember whether your words left them feeling taller or smaller.

3. IS IT NECESSARY? We often speak to fill silence, to prove our position, to satisfy our ego, or to try to keep ourselves relevant. Extraneous words dilute meaning, and weakening the very truth, emotion, and meaning they were meant to convey. When we speak without purpose, our words lose weight, and what could have struck deep barely leaves a mark. Realize the art of restraint. Exercise editing yourself in real time. Practice the power of the pause. The unnecessary clutters the essential and drains energy. Begin to understand that silence quite often speaks louder than any speech given on a grand stage.

4. IS IT IMPORTANT? Urgency is seductive. In the moment, everything feels like it matters. Perspective is the antidote. Ask yourself: “Will this matter tomorrow? Will it matter a month from now? A year? Five years?” If the answer is no, don’t let fleeting frustrations dictate lasting consequences. Your words can be tied to your legacy. Invest your words where they will endure with impact and relevance, not where they will evaporate or be forgotten. There’s freedom in recognizing that most things aren’t as critical as they seem in the heat of the moment. Consider the phrase “esto también pasará”; “this too shall pass.” Before reacting in tense moments, take a step back and be honest with yourself about the importance of what you are facing. And then, choose your words wisely.

5. IS IT YOURS? This is perhaps the hardest “Is It” filter. How often do we carry stories, burdens, and judgments that aren’t ours. We repeat secondhand information. We involve ourselves in battles that belong to others. Not every opinion needs your voice and not every problem requires your ownership. Wisdom and power are found in restraint. There’s strength in knowing the boundaries of speaking only from your experience, your authority, and your responsibility. We should ask ourselves “Is this my truth, my responsibility, my story to tell?” If not, it belongs to silence, not your voice. When you honor what is yours and release what isn’t, you free yourself from the unnecessary weight of the burdens of others.

Here's to a week of passing our words through “Is It” filters, and filling our relationships with words that steady, encourage, build up, and become anchors of clarity and peace.

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Paul continues to use his “Is It” filter in life.

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