“Monday 5 Things” ….. I Don’t Understand …..
February 02, 2026 by D. Paul Graham
Ever curious and always amused by the quirks of life, join D. Paul Graham each Monday for more M5T pondering.
“One & Only Bathroom Selfie”, Delta Airlines Sky Club Lounge, AUS circa 2024
Some things in life are mysteries. This morning, I’m not chasing meaning. I’m chasing confusion. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t have to understand everything. I just need to live my life with a little dignity, and a good laugh. Somewhere between life experiences, back pain, and the ability to fall asleep during a movie I’ve paid to see, I’ve reached a new life milestone. I’m done pretending.
This morning’s M5T posits 5 things, that I still don’t understand after 63 years of being on this globe, and I’m pretty sure most of us are tired of acting like we do.
1. BATHROOM PORTRAITURE. I don’t understand bathroom selfies. Not the “I’m in the presidential suite at the Ritz-Carlton in Hong Kong” kind of bathroom selfie. If there’s marble imported from a mountain where monks whisper affirmations into the stone, fine. Take your selfie. Those, I can respect.
I’m talking about between flight airport bathroom selfies. Gas station bathroom selfies. The 1:42 am bar bathroom selfies. The kind where the mirror looks like it’s been through three divorces and a bar fight, the lighting is fluorescent despondency, and there’s a wet paper towel on the counter like it’s part of the aesthetic.
If the best place to document your confidence is next to a public hand dryer, we need to talk. Nothing says “I’m succeeding” like the reflection of a paper towel dispenser behind you. If your background includes a urinal, a mop bucket, or graffiti that says, “For a good time call..…”, that’s not just a selfie. That’s a cry for help.
2. CLAPPING ON LANDING. I don’t understand people who clap when the plane lands. We don’t clap when the Uber makes it to our destination. We don’t applaud the dishwasher when it finishes. But we touch down in ATL and suddenly it’s opening night at the Fox Theatre, and we’re in the cast. I’m all for gratitude. I believe in gratitude. Gratitude is healthy. But clapping on landing has always had a certain “je ne sais quoi” for me. And why only clap on landing? If we’re going to be applauding effort, then we should be clapping at luggage claim for the baggage handlers who got our bags to the right destination without damage.
3. WATCHING VIDEOS IN PUBLIC. I don’t understand people who watch videos on full volume in public. No headphones. No shame. Just raw chaos. “Sir, this is the DMV. We are suffering enough already.” Now the entire surroundings are captive to listening to a man yelling “this week on pranks gone wrong”, or a tutorial on “how to balance your life in 24 hours by rearranging your furniture”, or worse, some pimply faced kid, barely old enough to shave, telling us, “how to get rich without trying” as he leans against a rented or borrowed Lamborghini like he’s Socrates with carbon fiber. The sound quality is always tin-can awful that makes every video sound like it was recorded inside a washing machine. We need to bring back certain cultural norms. Like inside voices. We need a law that says if you’re going to play a video in public, it must be with a full audio recording of you apologizing to everyone around you.
4. QR CODES. I don’t understand QR codes for everything. I appreciate some of the convenience, but I don’t want to scan a square just to learn what kind of salad dressing exists. I’m at a restaurant. I’m hungry. I’m not here to complete an escape room. I don’t want to open my camera, aim it at a pixelated ransom note, and be hit with “allow location”, “allow notifications” and “create account”. Have you noticed the QR code rarely works on the first try? It’s always, scan, wait, rotate, scan again, “link not available”, existential crisis, close camera, reopen camera, scan again. The only way out of this loop is to confirm you are a human by entering your email address. If you hit send, your inbox will be haunted until your grandkids graduate. Just give me a menu. Something I can hold. Something I can judge. I want to stare at the “heart-friendly options” just long enough to feel virtuous and then order the double smashburger with truffle oil fries like a real man.
5. LATE. AGAIN. I don’t understand how someone can be late. Every. Single. Time. At first, they will blame “running behind”, “traffic”, “crazy day”, or the classic, “it’s been one of those mornings”. Fair enough. Life happens. But after the 146th time? That’s not life or lateness. That’s a lifestyle choice. That’s a belief system. That’s a commitment. For the chronically unpunctual, the reason isn’t about clocks. It’s about respect. It says, “I considered your time, and decided mine is more important.” Then comes my favorite part. The ceremonial excuse. “Sorry I’m late.” No, you’re not. You arrived late like a Costco checkout line. Not because it’s long, but because time moves differently there. Because it’s who you are.
Here’s to a week of realizing that sometimes the point of understanding is simply noticing how absurd life can be, laughing anyway, and moving forward with grace.
© 2026 D. Paul Graham, All Rights Reserved
Except for one image, Paul tries to avoid becoming the person taking bathroom selfies.
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