“Monday 5 Things” ….. That’s Amore. Valentines Edition …..
February 09, 2026 by D. Paul Graham
Ever curious and always amused by the quirks of life, join D. Paul Graham each Monday for more M5T pondering.
“Cuore Mio, Vita Mia, Amore Mio”, Photo by D. Paul Graham, Lee Ann at the OK Cafe, Atlanta GA, circa 2021
Before we start this week, I have a confession to make. I’m skeptical about spectacle, performative communication in shared spaces, certain driving decisions of others, and especially most things that seem too good too quickly. Experience has made me cautious, and selectively distrustful. Despite all that, I’m a hopeless romantic. Always have been. I believe in love. I just believe it’s more nuanced than Hollywood forces on us. Movies love the dramatic version. The perfect lighting, swelling violins, and timing that suggests nobody in that relationship has ever been tired, gassy, or annoyed.
Valentine’s Day is just a few days away. The annual ritual of overpriced roses, speed-dining reservations, urgent chocolate purchases, and the internal panic of “did we agree not to get gifts this year?” Love isn’t a single once-a-year retail event. It’s layered, complex, and multifaceted. The Greeks wisely gave love multiple names, which tells you two things. They thought deeply about relationships, and they most likely didn’t have prix-fixe menus with 60-minute seating limitations.
This week’s M5T affectionately presents five distinct flavors of amore to serve as a reminder that love is both celebration and daily practice.
1. EROS: PASSION, ATTRACTION, AND ELECTRICITY. Hollywood’s favorite and Valentine’s Day’s chief marketing officer. Eros is the spark. The butterflies. The irrational urge to stay up too late talking even when you both have early meetings. It fuels candlelit dinners, handwritten notes, and the belief that dessert calories don’t count if consumed romantically. It’s magnetic, intoxicating, and occasionally responsible for questionable decisions of gift choices made from the pressure of Madison Avenue.
Philosophically, eros is initiation energy. It gets things moving. It inspires poetry, playlists, and last-minute flower runs that somehow still feel meaningful. But eros alone is like a double espresso at midnight; fantastic, energizing, slightly reckless, but unsustainable. When eros is present, life feels vivid. As a confessed hopeless romantic, I fully support eros, ideally with a reasonable bedtime and proper hydration.
2. PHILIA: FRIENDSHIP, COMPANIONSHIP, & MUTUAL RESPECT. If eros starts the fire, philia keeps the house warm. Philia is laughing together, trusting each other, and sharing perspective. It’s knowing how your partner thinks. It’s being able to split dessert without negotiating a treaty. It’s the love of “you’re my person” without needing dramatic emphasis. Philosophers considered this one of the highest forms of love because it’s built on respect, not just attraction. The couples who seem happiest on Valentine’s Day are usually the ones who choose to hang out with each other even if Valentine’s Day didn’t exist. That’s philia doing its job. As a confessed hopeless romantic, respect that shows up daily beats desire that only appears on holidays.
3. STORGE: COMFORT AND LOVE THAT FEELS LIKE HOME. Storge is the unsung hero of long-term love, especially after the novelty phase fades and real-life sets in. Storge is comfort. Familiarity. Emotional safety. The exhale you didn’t realize you were holding. The quiet knowledge that you don’t have to impress every single day. Movies rarely celebrate this because watching two people peacefully coexist doesn’t sell tickets and popcorn. But it’s gold in the deepest of relationships.
Storge is knowing how they take their coffee, recognizing stress signals before they say a word, and understanding when silence is support, not distance. Sensibly, storge reflects one of our deepest human needs. Belonging. Comfort isn’t passion fading. It’s passion finding a place to live. As a confessed hopeless romantic, shared peace might be the most seductive atmosphere of all.
4. AGAPE: ENDURING, AND SELFLESS COMMITMENT. Agape is the grown-up love. The steady one. The love that shows up even when circumstances aren’t photogenic. Agape is patience and forgiveness. Agape is choosing to love when things get complicated and difficult. It’s less roses and more reliability. Less grand speeches and more consistent presence. Not flashy, but incredibly powerful. It’s showing up when it’s inconvenient and choosing kindness over being right. Philosophers describe agape as unconditional goodwill. Caring deeply regardless of an immediate emotional payoff. As a confessed hopeless romantic, the sexiest phrase in any relationship might be, “We’ll figure it out. Together.”
5. AMOR: THE FULL SPECTRUM. Latin simplifies things with amor, which is one word for the entire love experience. Passion, friendship, comfort, and commitment, all intertwined. Which confirms something that we all eventually learn. The deepest of love can be messy, layered, and breath-takingly magnificent.
Amor is the whole package. It’s the excitement, the laughter, the familiarity, the patience, or the “let’s skip the fancy dinner and have a picnic on the floor.” Amor is less a feeling and more a way of being, a practice, and a commitment. Real love isn’t found in movies or streamed rom coms. Real love evolves with peaks and valleys. Some days eros leads. Some days agape does. Philia and storge quietly stabilize everything including your expectations about what Valentine’s Day should or shouldn’t look like. As a confessed hopeless romantic, I’ll take the beautifully imperfect real thing over the perfectly scripted movie version every single time.
Here’s to a week of small gestures, genuine connection, and the kind of love worth celebrating more than one day a year.
© 2026 D. Paul Graham, All Rights Reserved
Despite his skepticism, Paul loves the idea of love. He just loves the real version more.
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