“Monday 5 Things” ….. Kenosein …..
Monday June 16th, 2025 by D. Paul Graham
Ever curious and always amused by the quirks of life, join D. Paul Graham each Monday for more M5T pondering.
“Emptied by Covid” Photo by D. Paul Graham, Savannah/Hilton Head International Airport Parking Deck, circa 2020
Kenosein is a Greek word that I learned a number of years ago when I was going through an intense period of my life. It means to empty oneself. It’s not a trendy self-help buzzword. It doesn’t come with a checklist. It's not something you post on Instagram with your sunrise, sunset, or dinner posts. It’s something more intimate. More piercing. Kenosein is a private surrender. In a world obsessed with acquisition, achievement, and holding on tight, it’s a universal challenge to release our grip, peel back our ego, and pour out what we cling to, so that we can live more freely. It’s the strength of empty hands that lead to a full heart. This morning’s M5T shares five things I have learned, in-fact I am still learning, slowly and imperfectly about what kenosein means in life. Not as a concept, but as a choice.
1. REFRAMED. Emptying is not losing. It’s choosing. We often associate letting go with failure. The job we didn’t take. The relationship that ended. The dream deferred. But kenosein reframes that story. It’s not about being deprived. It’s about consciously setting something down so we can walk farther. Like a mountaineer shedding gear for the summit. The letting go is the gain. For years I held on to some invisible standard. The version of me that always had it together, always said the right thing, always moved with quiet confidence and knew what came next. But life chipped away at that illusion. I began asking myself, “what weight am I mistaking for worth?” In one of those aha moments, I realized I had to let go of who I thought I had to be. Kenosein taught me that emptying myself of the image was the only way to finally breathe. The cracks, not the polish, are where the light actually gets in. Surprisingly, I like this truer, reframed version of me more. He’s flawed. But he’s free.
2. SPACE. The ego wants to be filled with praise, status, credentials, followers, likes, retweets, your neighbor’s approval, and your therapist’s admiration. The soul wants space, so it has room to breathe. Kenosein isn’t self-abandonment. It’s self-liberation. You don’t become less. You make room for what actually matters. Stillness, presence, purpose, wisdom, or wonder. There were moments when letting go didn’t look dramatic. It just looked like me sitting alone in a quiet room, exhaling deeply, and not chasing the thing I wanted so badly to control. Not fixing. Not texting. Not fighting for attention. Just being still. Letting it pass. Releasing past hurts. Letting toxic ones go, even if they never knew I held on. It wasn’t weakness. It was holy restraint.
3. EMPTY. There is power in creating. But, creating always begins with emptiness. An empty canvas. A blank page. A new formatted card in a camera. An unplayed note. That’s kenosein in action. Creativity begins not when we fill, but when we accept the empty. Artists, writers, and photographers know this intimately. The best work doesn’t come from being overstuffed with ideas, but from being emptied enough to receive what’s waiting. Empty your agenda. Let the work speak. Let it surprise you. Let it show you how to live. I’ve had to learn to empty myself of bitterness. Anger is such a seductive shield. It makes you feel righteous. Safe. But it isolates you from everyone, especially yourself. Kenosein showed up when I said: I don’t want to carry this anymore. Not because they deserved forgiveness. But because I deserved peace. Some days, I had to let go of the story where I was the victim. Other days, I had to let go of the story where I was the hero. Because both kept me from healing and becoming who I am today.
4. OPEN. When we release control, relationships thrive. Love gets strangled by the need to be right. Friendships suffocate when we grip expectations too tightly. Leadership becomes tyranny when we hoard authority. But what happens when we release the need to dominate or dictate? That’s when trust forms. That’s when connection deepens. That’s when people relax around you. Kenosein says stop clenching and open your hands. Let it be. I had to learn to let go of my perceived outcomes. I’ve prayed intensely. Planned well. I had given my all, my best. And still, some of the things I wanted the most didn’t turn out as planned. That’s when kenosein hit me the hardest. It was a surrender that said, “I did what I could. And now, I release it.” That kind of letting go hurts, but it also heals. There’s deep peace in not being in charge of everything. There’s a profound freedom in being able to say, “whatever comes, I’ll meet it with open hands.”
5. RELEASE. To empty oneself is not passive. It’s not a retreat. It’s not resignation. To say, “I don’t need this self-made armor anymore” is fiercely brave. An act of deep daring. It’s stepping into the unknown without the safety of your usual shields. And the paradox is, that the more we let go, the more whole we become. The more space we create, the more life fills in. In the end, kenosein isn’t an exit. It’s an entry point. I used to think holding on made me strong. But it wasn’t until I started releasing expectations, roles, regrets, and guilt, that I finally began to feel light again. Letting go gave me my life back. Kenosein isn’t about abandoning everything. It’s about choosing what stays. It’s clearing out the attic of your heart so joy can come home. It’s the painful, beautiful practice of saying, “this no longer serves the person I’m becoming.”
Here's to a life lived of kenosein. Of letting go. Of making space. Of seeing what shows up. Of inviting grace to rush in. Of being surprised by your life.
© 2025 D. Paul Graham, All Rights Reserved
For over 13 years, D. Paul Graham has published “Monday 5 Things” ™, also known to readers as M5T™. He continues to surprised by Kenosein in his life.
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